wwyd if there was an alien invasion? i
I needed to kill an alien.
The first problem I had was a lack of firearms. I know a gun means jack when I can't aim, but a stray is better than no stray. A stray could go anywhere. I don't know, maybe the lil fella wants to go looney toons and ricochet into a ufo cockpit, right into the cranium of one of them coneheads. Like that rifle round with JFK. Unfortunately i live in a tourist island with the security level of a duck pond. Anyway, no guns.
I could wield a long range weapon, baseball bat's a classic. Or dad's golf club. But I can't get close to any of them and deliver a knockout because of the glowing barrier around them. My stupid uncle tried to rush a conehead, too bad the barrier detected him. One light blast later my uncle's stupid and dead.
That barrier is powered by something. Some glowing space cube the coneheads keep tucked in a wedgie suit they lug around everywhere they walk. The cube also powers their light guns. They run a thick cable from the bottom of the holster to the suit. Now, this is a bit of a wild guess, but I think the cube powers the coneheads' suits also. In conclusion, the space cube is the most important thing to a conehead.
Which is why I decided to steal one.
There was only one way one could possibly acquire the alien space cube; if one of them decides to give one to you. Which would be like a humpback whale offering itself to whalers in the sea.
Can you imagine how that would go, the whale swimming up to a vessel in the middle of a storm and saying, "Yeah Greg, I'm sick of this swimming in the ocean nonsense, take me out."
And Greg is just caught off guard, like "Woah what's wrong man, don't go throwing you life away for no reason, you know, you still haven't... eaten every fish in the sea yet. I mean, hey, look, over there! You see that fish? Go eat it, man, the fish ain't eating themselves-"
"Nah Greg I can't take this anymore, my chick humped me over for the last time!"
"Woah Humpy you got to chill out, a whore's a whore, that's just how it goes, there's still lots of... fish in the sea, you know?"
"Your ships culled half our population Greg, I don't have that many options in this dating ocean."
"The one is out there, Hump, I can promise you that."
"She went behind my back for a landwhale. A landwhale! How the hell is that supposed to operate? You tell me, you tell me."
"Guess you weren't fat enough for her... sorry, spoke out loud there."
"No Greg, you're good. I just- I spent all this time lobtailing with her, gave everything I had. So this breaks my heart all over again."
"If you want, our vessel can hunt her down for you."
"No thanks, I wouldn't go that far. At least I don't want to die anymore."
"Great, Hump. See you next week?"
"Maybe."
Long story short, even coneheads make waste. They got a waste chute in their ufos. I saw it open once, and a familiar glowing object fell from that chute into the nearby park. I can only assume there was no more energy left in the cube and that's why they threw it out. But I know someone who could find a use out of that thing.
It took me a few days to gather the courage and a hazmat suit to go into the river by the park. The old wooden boat was creaking under my weight. I waded over to where the shimmering was. Shimmering, just beneath the surface, that's where the cube was. All I can think to do is row, row, row the boat. In the dead of night, the light shining from the cube, partially obscured by murky water, was unmistakable. I reach in quickly and pulled the cube out of the water. That's when it saw me.
Immediately I hear something swimming toward me. Before I could do anything an overwhelming compelling force crashes into the old wooden boat tossing me into the air. I land with a thud on nearby grass and make a break for it. My feet nearly floated off the ground from how fast I was going. I was just clutching the cube in my hand, mind screaming at my legs to go faster, faster. I sneak a glimpse from the corner of my eye. A fish, undead and rotting, twenty times its original size, scurrying at me with the sixteen or so spindly mutated legs sprouted from its gills. The smell of rotting meat and wet hair got closer and closer. The uncanny speed at which it moves, with cloudy eyes I knew couldn't see but seemed to glare me down as it continued its relentless pursuit.
No matter how I ran, weaving between the trees and jumping over bushes, it did nothing to delay that efficient rhythm of the landfish's gangly legs scuttering along the grass. All I could hear beside my own pained gasps for air and the heavy thumping of my heart was the maddening rustle of those legs. Then I began to hear a low rumbling groan, slowly getting louder and hoarse until a high-pitched ringing pierced my eardrums. It felt like the ground was shaking - perhaps that was my brain rattling in my own skull.
I lost control instantly and collapsed to the floor, writhing before the beast that immobilized me. The glowing cube laid nearby. I tried to reach it with my hand, but it had been rendered stubborn and useless by the landfish's screech. With dread I looked to the landfish that stood before me. It opened its mouth as something slithered and thrashed inside. The landfish gurgled as a clear substance heaved out of its mouth, glistening in the moonlight. This is it, I thought. I'm going to be raped by a fish.
A streak of red whizzed over my body, straight into the mouth of the landfish. The beast staggered in surprise, choking on the foreign object. Without a second thought it turned tail and scurried away. The last thing I heard was its rustling in the grass, fading away with everything else as it all turned black.
-to be continued-
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